My god, it's been a long time since I posted a review. 2011? The hell have I been doing since then?.I had a lot of options for my first review back from hiatus, and I'm choosing to pick on a family movie to celebrate the birth of my son (which was 15 months ago).
My wife and I decided to order the acclaimed Inside Out from Pixar's studios. The expectations were high for the both of us, what with all the hype and adoration everyone gave this thing. I love Pixar movies, especially the older ones like Finding Nemo and Wall-E. There's something human about a robot that just wants to pick up trash. So we rented it from the PS Network, popped some corn and lazed on the couch after a long exhausting day where we just wanted to relax to something entertaining and enjoy ourselves We're both thinking "I'm investing TWO hours of my time into this thing, this better be goddamn amazing."
It was not good. It was the worst animated movie I've ever seen. The WORST. Sigh, I've seen some pretty bad movies... Chopping Mall, Street Trash, and these were all objectively better and, importantly, more entertaining than Inside Out. It's like the writers from Pixar decided that, yes, we needed to write something while infected with a diarrhea-inducing flu virus, and this is the feces they crapped out. Just... just awful.
The concept of the movies involves a little girl moving from her small town... in Minnesota? She moves to San Francisco, and there she learns absolutely nothing. I'm not sure what she learns, but she feels sad, then angry, then she becomes neurotic I think, then sad, and then happy? I'm not entirely sure. I couldn't make out what was going on because.. is that Kristen Wiig? WHY WON'T SHE SHUT UP? No one in this movie will shut the hell up for two seconds. If I had this many voices in my head all speaking at the same time incessantly all day long, I would have a severe personality disorder, and I would assume one of those personalities would end up being a serial killer. Hopefully he/she would kill the remaining personalities left over in my head so I'D HAVE SOME PEACE AND QUIET.
I sound like an old crank, and I am (at least a crank), but holy shit, is this what it's like to have multiple children screaming at the same time? Why do these fuckers get to decide how this poor girl is going to feel? No wonder she's depressed for most of the movie. Between happy girl and sad unreasonably mopey.. thing, it's just a lot of yelling and running around for... for marbles? I don't think the brain works that way. I'm pretty sure there are no marbles in anyone's brain. I also don't think marbles are going to decide how a girl feels, and these dumbshits sure shouldn't either. LEAVE THAT POOR GIRL ALONE. There was also some bizarre elephant thing that ends up in the bottom of the sea? What? Why? OH SOME FIVE YEAR OLD PRICK PROBABLY TOLD HIS PIXAR WRITER DAD THAT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO INCLUDE A COLORFUL ELEPHANT, GOOD FUCKING JOB ASSHOLE. GO FUCK YOURSELF AND THE PRIVILEGED HORSE YOU HAVE STUCK UP YOUR ASS. IF MY KID EVER GAVE ME THAT KIND OF SHITTY ADVICE, I'D GROUND HIM FOREVER.
So I'm mad at Pixar for wasting my night, and I'm disappointed in the critics that loved this incoherent piece of donkey rectum. That's all I got. Don't see this movie.
